A Christmas Chronicle~

I haven't put my thoughts about Christmas in print yet and I always enjoy going back to see where I came from. So today i will chronicle my Christmas 2008 so that I will be able to look back again someday.

I managed to do a good job this Christmas. I sent long distance greetings to my sweet Cacey and Tony and also lit up my sisters house with some yummies! I felt accomplished when i realized that I'd managed to work hard and save my money and not stress over being broke. This is the first year of my life, i think, that I ran out of time before I ran out of money.

The reason this picture is first is meaningful. You will notice that there isn't a single present under that tree. This is exactly what it looked like Christmas morning.

For the first time in my 54 years I didn't have a present to open on Christmas morning! Eddie has done some inconsiderate things over the last 6 years, but never so brazen as this. I'm not exactly sure why it bothers me so bad. I guess it's because he squanders so much money on drinking and gambling and it seems cruel not to have at least gotten me a card.

He said he tried to buy a card but couldn't find one that said what he wanted to say. I'm like Cheryl, "there's not one that says sorry I'm such an ass". He'd been at the bar all week buying rounds for everybody..........and the woman who cleans his house and washes his clothes and buys his groceries and provides lights, water and cable, didn't deserve a 50 cent card!

You'd think I was raised in Missouri.......who's state slogan is SHOW ME state! Does anybody need to draw me a picture or what?? Do I not realize how much time I have wasted on a loveless marriage, in hopes of getting at least a house out of the deal. Now I realize I would only be stuck with a house that's levied by the IRS or sold at auction to pay off debts. Do I not realize that even if he had life insurance, it would be stuck in probate for all eternity and I'd end up owing somebody money!!!!

Is my health insurance that important to me! I mean barring a diagnosis of Stage 4 cancer, I probably wouldn't even go to the doctor! And if it was stage 4 i wouldn't agree to treatment anyway...............would anybody be stuck paying my hospital bills???

So what if he divorces me! So what if I dont' get a house out of the deal. So what if I feel like an idiot for actually asking the Bastard to come home!! I've certainly been an idiot enough to know I always survive it!

I said as long as he was paying the house payment I was just going along for the ride. I set that goal and so here it is. He hasn't made the house payment. It's time for me to move on.

I have alot to be happy about this Christmas. Patty presented me with a certificate for a week long vacation in Key West. March 28th and I can hardly wait. But I'm setting that as my next mile stone.

After that trip I will be moving to Clarksville. I'm going to move to Emily's basement and stay at Patty's on the weekends when i work at the VFW. I've spent too much time spinning my wheels and the next few months will be spent getting rid of things I dont need to take and deciding exactly what to do with the animals that I can't take either.

The best picture of all lately has been of my little man Canaan and his first sucker! He is the light of my life! So innocent and unaffected by the bad parts of life. He renews my soul every morning with his grin when he sees me sneaking up on him. I do have a good job......as stressful as it is, I know this part of his life is so fragile and I'm glad I'm the one putting a sense of security in his life. He knows what to expect and falls right into the routine, that is so important to his little life right now. I figure about one more year and he'll be ready to get out and socialize and enjoy day care.

Then I'll be returning to the work force and a new chapter will begin. It's all a big cycle and I am not afraid of change. I'm good at it. In fact, I'm the BEST and reshaping my life and coming out on top.

I'm not sad................do not worry about me. I'm merely putting my thoughts in print to remember where I was and where I'm going!

This was me last January 2008. I was laughing and having a good time and I suspect this will be me again this January. Because every January I pledge to be somewhere else, and better and happier and surviving!

My New Years Resolution for 2009 is to infact still be around for 2010! I mean, if you think about it, that's all that's really important. That you have another year to enjoy the adventure of life!

I'm a lucky woman. I have a wonderful sister, wonderful daughters, wonderful grandkids and wonderful friends! I am hugely blessed despite my repeated failures with men! haha Will I EVER learn to play with them and send them home? Good question.........at this point in my life a man is the last thing on my NEED list!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Bring it on!